Monday, May 20, 2013

5/20/13 - Caloric Vorticity, The Art of the Hotel Breakfast Buffet

Chasing storms and finding tornadoes is no easy task.  While a good knowledge of meteorology and some lucky breaks are essential, one must not forget the foundation of a successful chase - a good night's sleep and proper refueling. 

To get a good night's sleep my advice is a heavy meal followed by a benedryl.  Spell check says I got the name of that pink pill wrong.  Please consult your doctor before undertaking this advice.   Do not operate heavy equipment or drink alcohol while under this treatment.   Consult your hotel operator for erections lasting more than four hours (or just wear very loose pants).  If all else fails, simply reread my blog to enduce drowsiness.

On the nutrition side, the skill of not only obtaining enough calories on a chase is important, but doing so under the crunch of time is essential.  This means your time spent at the hotels free breakfast buffet must be used wisely.  No lollygagging around the self-service waffle iron.  No no.  Grab the grub and head right back to the room, where your laptop eagerly awaits.   Multitask...or fail.   It is essential that you only make ONE trip from the room to the brecky bar, or the other chasers will leave your benedryled-induced butt in the dust. 

To maximize caloric return on your one trip, I recommend bringing your own Tupperware.  Forget the small styrofoam bowls and plates.  Not only are the inefficient, but bad for the environment (except in TX and OK).  Dump the cereal into the Tupperware,  top it off with the lousy pastry (unless you are at a Holiday Inn Express where they now provide little to-go boxes for the Wunder-Cinnamon Rolls).   If you can handle the weak swill known as coffee in most buffets, bring your Mega-Gulp travel mug and empty out that coffee urn.  You can caffienate for the entire day in one fell swoop.   Shove a couple pieces of fruit and an oatmeal packet into your cargo shorts.   Drain a glass of orange "juice" there on the spot.  Tuck the free USA Today under your free arm, and get back to the room.

Then, fully loaded up and calorified, race out of the parking lot onto the nearest freeway...and wait.  

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